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Reputation is a Gift
Oct. 17th, 2024 10:18 amHuman beings are social animals. Through shared symbolic values that have mutual understanding, we know collectively far more than any of us as individuals can know. That, more than anything else, is the reason our species has made so many remarkable achievements, as we are able to share facts about the universe. But it is not just across the technological and scientific dimensions that we do this. We also do it with aesthetics, expressing our opinions about art and beauty, and socially, discussing the organisation of our society, its political economy, our laws, and our experiences with other people. There are, of course, pragmatics to consider; one should stick with facts when discussing the truth, stick with justice when discussing rightness, and stick with sincerity when discussing aesthetics. A blue or grey sky is a statement of facts, not morals, and a person who legitimately enjoys wearing a style of clothes that you may find distasteful is committing no moral crime.
I have recently come across a story that illustrates the importance of social reputation. A friend had been in a relationship with a man for about a year. In the course of that year they took under their wing a teenaged woman who had become estranged from their parents, and they sort of become her surrogate parents. The relationship between the couple ended, but they remained friends (of sorts) and continued their existing "parenthood" of the young woman. However, in a moment of great distress, the young woman visited the man who proceeded to ply her with alcohol and, when she was thoroughly inebriated (he didn't touch a drop), dragged her to bed and had his way with her without even the pretence of consent.
Reputation is a gift; it is a gift to society so we may know others and it is a precious gift to an individual not to waste and ruin. A few years back, I gave an address to the local Unitarian-Universalist Fellowship, "We Are What We Do" that, among other things, pointed out the relationship between verbs and nouns in our social reputation. If you want to be known as an artist, you have to produce art. If you want to be a scholar, you must study. If you want to be known as a truthful person, you have to speak truthfully and honour your commitments. If you want to be a kind person, then you must help rather than hurt people. It is false to assert a noun ("I am "X'") unless there is a verb ("I do 'y'") to match it. It is useless to complain when others talk about you among themselves when you've hurt one of their circle; the absolute best thing you can do in such circumstances is to show appropriate remorse. And if you don't want to be known as a rapist, don't rape. We are what we do.
I have recently come across a story that illustrates the importance of social reputation. A friend had been in a relationship with a man for about a year. In the course of that year they took under their wing a teenaged woman who had become estranged from their parents, and they sort of become her surrogate parents. The relationship between the couple ended, but they remained friends (of sorts) and continued their existing "parenthood" of the young woman. However, in a moment of great distress, the young woman visited the man who proceeded to ply her with alcohol and, when she was thoroughly inebriated (he didn't touch a drop), dragged her to bed and had his way with her without even the pretence of consent.
Reputation is a gift; it is a gift to society so we may know others and it is a precious gift to an individual not to waste and ruin. A few years back, I gave an address to the local Unitarian-Universalist Fellowship, "We Are What We Do" that, among other things, pointed out the relationship between verbs and nouns in our social reputation. If you want to be known as an artist, you have to produce art. If you want to be a scholar, you must study. If you want to be known as a truthful person, you have to speak truthfully and honour your commitments. If you want to be a kind person, then you must help rather than hurt people. It is false to assert a noun ("I am "X'") unless there is a verb ("I do 'y'") to match it. It is useless to complain when others talk about you among themselves when you've hurt one of their circle; the absolute best thing you can do in such circumstances is to show appropriate remorse. And if you don't want to be known as a rapist, don't rape. We are what we do.
