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A New Chapter Begins
The longer you are in a relationship, the harder it is to end it. Although seventeen years in the making, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
caseopaya and I are calling it a day. It is not a decision brings any pleasure at all, but rather one that protects me from an ongoing and future malaise. Of course, we have had many superb experiences together and we built up enough worldly possessions for comfort. But the reality is that the idea of continuing on was a slow death for me. There had been many years of stability, but without requisite growth and disruption. For most people that is probably what they want in life; for them, the opposite of depression is happiness. For me, and it's probably a minority perspective, the opposite of depression is vitality.
Which elucidates a fundamental difference in an approach-to-the-world (Weltannäherung); caseopaya's approach is passive escapism; mine is active confrontation. Neither of us is going to change our basic personality, and nor should we be expected to. Again, for most people, this sort of difference in fundamental personality is something that can be accomodated for a relationship. To a large extent I believe I did that for many years, partially because I have a phlegmatic approach to my relationship with other people as I believe that they can find their own path. But I don't want accommodation for the sake of a relationship. My overwhelming preference is for a soulmate, one who shares the same elan. And even if I do not find such a person, I am not lonely in my own company.
There is absolutely no acrimony here. I do love her, in the way that a brother should love their sister. Pandemic circumstances as they are, we still have to live together under the same roof, which is of sufficient size that we can have our own space. It is my intention to be entirely pragmatic and mature about this and especially to be mindful of issues of attachment; it is, after all, attachments and craving that will bring unnecessary grief and suffering. I certainly do hope that none of our many mutual friends, "pick sides", as there are no "sides" here. There are practical issues, such as our shared assets and chattels and our animal companions. Hopefully, at the end of it all, we can still share a strong friendship with many fine memories.
caseopaya and I are calling it a day. It is not a decision brings any pleasure at all, but rather one that protects me from an ongoing and future malaise. Of course, we have had many superb experiences together and we built up enough worldly possessions for comfort. But the reality is that the idea of continuing on was a slow death for me. There had been many years of stability, but without requisite growth and disruption. For most people that is probably what they want in life; for them, the opposite of depression is happiness. For me, and it's probably a minority perspective, the opposite of depression is vitality.Which elucidates a fundamental difference in an approach-to-the-world (Weltannäherung); caseopaya's approach is passive escapism; mine is active confrontation. Neither of us is going to change our basic personality, and nor should we be expected to. Again, for most people, this sort of difference in fundamental personality is something that can be accomodated for a relationship. To a large extent I believe I did that for many years, partially because I have a phlegmatic approach to my relationship with other people as I believe that they can find their own path. But I don't want accommodation for the sake of a relationship. My overwhelming preference is for a soulmate, one who shares the same elan. And even if I do not find such a person, I am not lonely in my own company.
There is absolutely no acrimony here. I do love her, in the way that a brother should love their sister. Pandemic circumstances as they are, we still have to live together under the same roof, which is of sufficient size that we can have our own space. It is my intention to be entirely pragmatic and mature about this and especially to be mindful of issues of attachment; it is, after all, attachments and craving that will bring unnecessary grief and suffering. I certainly do hope that none of our many mutual friends, "pick sides", as there are no "sides" here. There are practical issues, such as our shared assets and chattels and our animal companions. Hopefully, at the end of it all, we can still share a strong friendship with many fine memories.
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May you find an equitable and kindly separation and a continuing friendship; and may both you and caseopaya also find the relationship which suits you and fulfils your needs and desires.
It always looks a bit bleak for a while. From my experience it's worse when you have kids, I think; though pets are probably a similarly complicating factor.
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One of my friends on Facebook mentioned her amicable break-up with her partner (a high-level local politician) where they still had kids in primary school.
It is possible if both sides want it.
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In this case, I wish the scales had fallen from my eyes a little sooner.
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It sounds like it's the right thing to do and I hope it works out for both of you.
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There was mo fault on either side, and no unpleasantness.
But I could feel myself slowly dying, and it wasn't good for me.
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In a sense, very little has actually changed in our lives.
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The place wasn't bad, but my mind was unhappy.
Like The Ghost of Christmas Future, and thank you, Charles Dickens, for your insight.
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