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Why do I "work" so hard?
This is a question that escapes my capacity for self-reflection.
Yesterday I left work early, exhausted, dissatisfied and fell asleep by 8.30pm. Twelve hours later, I awoke and today I'm at it again.
I usually start work at 8am every morning, sometimes earlier. I sometimes have a 30 minute lunch break. I usually leave work between 8pm and 10pm. Sometimes later. I do this seven days a week. In addition to my formal work tasks, I'm also learning two new languages, finishing a PhD (which goes _very_ well, thank you for asking) and writing papers for academic conferences and journals (one confirmed - a maths paper, believe it or not!).It's not as is I'm being paid a great deal for this (about $125 USD/week), and prices here can be "interesting" to say the least.
It's not as if I only engage in instrumental work. There's plenty of communication in my life - it's just the topics are more, well, related to the polis, I suppose. (The current favourite, "How do we stop the war?" is invariably brought up with "Should Israel exist?") There is also plenty of time of reflective communion. I love walking the streets here late at night and along the beach. There is no doubt about it that some of the most spectacular scenery in the world is available here. And there is always the knowledge that the dead are many and that everything has spirit here, even the rocks.
I mean I could do what others do. Work the minimum required hours and do the minimum required work for the maximum financial benefit. Then spend free-time in trivial small talk (face-to-face or virtual) or watching Buffy or something equally ridiculous on the idiot box.
So why don't I? What sort of neurosis is this?
Yesterday I left work early, exhausted, dissatisfied and fell asleep by 8.30pm. Twelve hours later, I awoke and today I'm at it again.
I usually start work at 8am every morning, sometimes earlier. I sometimes have a 30 minute lunch break. I usually leave work between 8pm and 10pm. Sometimes later. I do this seven days a week. In addition to my formal work tasks, I'm also learning two new languages, finishing a PhD (which goes _very_ well, thank you for asking) and writing papers for academic conferences and journals (one confirmed - a maths paper, believe it or not!).It's not as is I'm being paid a great deal for this (about $125 USD/week), and prices here can be "interesting" to say the least.
It's not as if I only engage in instrumental work. There's plenty of communication in my life - it's just the topics are more, well, related to the polis, I suppose. (The current favourite, "How do we stop the war?" is invariably brought up with "Should Israel exist?") There is also plenty of time of reflective communion. I love walking the streets here late at night and along the beach. There is no doubt about it that some of the most spectacular scenery in the world is available here. And there is always the knowledge that the dead are many and that everything has spirit here, even the rocks.
I mean I could do what others do. Work the minimum required hours and do the minimum required work for the maximum financial benefit. Then spend free-time in trivial small talk (face-to-face or virtual) or watching Buffy or something equally ridiculous on the idiot box.
So why don't I? What sort of neurosis is this?
no subject
What are we here for after all? To consume popular culture and do crappy, meaningless work for money that we exchange for luxury goods we don't need? That would be *boring*.
(no subject)
(no subject)
Re:
god help me
(Anonymous) 2003-03-27 07:53 pm (UTC)(link)Re: god help me